April 28, 1983

LONGEST WEEK OF MY LIFE

Holy long week.  Man oh man.  Ha, we had Mission Leadership Council on Tuesday and guess who I saw....that's right, Sista Bonnnnnn! We saw   and she started to cry.  It was tender. I looooooooveeee that girl.  We caught up with all that is going on in Bozeman.  A girl we started to teach together got baptized and Danny's girlfriend is on date for May 10th to be baptized! WOOOO! I am so happy.  Seriously though, seeing her was the highlight of my week.  We were laughing and joking and catching up the whole time.  I am so thankful for Sister Bonn. I hope we get to be companions again one day.  

This week was very similar to last week.  A LOT of drama to deal with and A LOT of stress.  We had Mission Leadership Council on Tuesday and Wednesday we had Zone Training and Thursday we went on exchanges.  Thursday was ROUGH.  No lie, it was probably the hardest day I have dealt with since being out.  Just one thing after another kept happening on Thursday. One of the companionships we went on exchanges with is having a really difficult time and it has been really hard to keep everyone happy.  It's the hardest when no one is willing to change.  They don't see a point in having things work out and they can't see the good in their companion.  Our district leader ROASTED one of the Sisters.  He just called her out on all she was doing to hinder the companionship and she did not like it. Not one bit. But it needed to be done.  Thursday both Sister Session and I just hit a wall. It was TERRIBLE.  On top of this Sister and her pride we had another Sister call us in tears.  It just adds up.  And that really is what we want, we want the Sisters to call us.  But when you cover 16 sisters it can be a lot. We also got another call from another Sister asking for exchanges asap.  It also makes it difficult to work in our own area and build it up.  We were in our area for 3 days this week.  ROUGH STUFF! On top of all of that JAMES IS GOING CRAZY. UGGGHH! He didn't call us back for like 4 days and when we went over there, he wasn't home.  SKETCH.  We drove passed Gracie's house and he was smoking on her porch.  We pulled over and talked with him.  He said he made some mistakes that week by talking with Gracie.  He came to stake conference and told us that he was done with Gracie. That night he called us and said he couldn't meet with us anymore and then out of nowhere Gracie's voice comes on the line and she says James feels pressured and no longer wants to meet with us and to leave him alone.  It was cherry on top of the week.  It really was. UGH! I feel like one thing after another keeps happening and it's not enough time to adjust and fix it.  BAM BAM BAM.  There is no time to catch a break or a breath.  You just have to learn to roll with it and do what you can.  

It was interesting though because I was on exchanges with Sister Baird and Sister Barrera. Some of my favorite Sisters. And when I was with them, all 4 appointments they had set one day fell through AND they had an investigator drop them.  After the day I had had earlier I could not deal with more set backs.  But I knew I had to put on a good face and encourage and up lift these Sisters in their time of need.  So I tried to stay positive and honestly, although the day sucked, we had so much fun.  We would jam to some EFY song to lift our Spirits and I didn't allow any of us to talk negatively about the day. Whenever we wanted to say something about the day sucking, we said something about how nice it was outside or how the day only could get better etc... I felt the spirit so strong that day.  Although I am unable to make decisions for the people we work with, investigator or missionaries alike I could choose to be happy.  That night we taught a lesson at a less active's house and read from the BOM.  It was like I had never read that chapter before in my life.  New and amazing things stuck out to me that I had never noticed before.  I felt the spirit testify so strongly that the BOM was in fact true.  I feel as though since being in Missoula I have been relying on the "arm of flesh" I have been relying on my own strengths and my own abilities to lift the load and to work hard and I haven't felt so dependent on the Lord. I was thinking back to when I came out on my mission and how often I prayed. I was ALWAYS praying. I had a constant conversation with God, because I was scared! Because I didn't know what I was doing and I knew I couldn't go forth without the help of the Lord. The longer I have been out the more I have be able get a better grasp of missionary work and missionary life and thus I haven't felt that need to always rely on the Lord. I feel as though these trials I have been facing the past couple weeks are a reminder to me that I cannot and will not succeed without the help of my Father in Heaven.  I cannot lift these loads and carry these burdens without the strength of my Savior.  Although going through these trials is not easy and it is draining and I feel weak. I am thankful because it has reminded me in whom I have trusted. I came across in my personal reading, 2 Nephi 4.  The psalm of Nephi and I knew that it was not by happenstance that I came across that chapter at that time.  In verse 34 it says, " O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the  arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh.  Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.  Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee yea I will cry unto thee my God the rock of my righteousness.  Behold my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee my rock and mine everlasting God Amen"

Right on Nephi. Right on.  I have learned a valuable lesson this week. I hope this week is better and that the Lord is done chastening me. Hahaha I do love the BOM. When no one else was there for me to talk to and learn from, I turned to the BOM. I am thankful for it's teachings. I am so thankful to have the words of God so readily available to me each and every day.  

I love my Father in Heaven. I know He has a plan for each of us and I KNOW he knows what we are going through.  He puts us through these trials and afflictions so that we are able to be perfected and to become more than we were. They are hard. But Jason once told me that in the first verse in the first chapter of 1 Nephi next to the word afflictions the foot note says, blessings from God.  And they truly are blessings from our Father in Heaven. Mom, your story about the current bush hit it on the head.  Thank you Father, for loving me enough to cut me down, for loving me enough to hurt me.  I know that we can choose to be molded and shaped during these times and if we do that we will become more refined and more like our Savior.  I LOVE THIS GOSPEL. I LOVE IT.  

This is the beginning of a new week. I know that I can apply what I have learned this week into the rest of my life. 

ALSO!! I got to see Rhenon today! Tender mercy of the Lord. I held back tears as I embraced her. I LOVE THAT WOMAN! She is going to a treatment center here. All of her own freewill.  She is such an amazing woman. We get to see her regularly and have the opportunity to read from the scriptures with her.  

I love you all so much! Mom, I am so excited for you and your new calling. YOU WILL ROCK IT! I know it.  You are what the ward and those Sisters need. Hopefully it isn't as dramatic as helping these Sisters....goodness gracious.  Anyway. You all are amazing and I LOOOVE YOU! 

Loveeee, 

Sister STRONGGGG  Moline